I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
