That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
