was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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