I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
