i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
