He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
