JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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