Rock
Scissors
Fuck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
