he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize