I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
