allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
