Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
