At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
