chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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