Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
