the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
