I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
