I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
