If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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