Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
