yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize