apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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