i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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