that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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