we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
cat food counts as protein by the way
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
