don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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