awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
