Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
