Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We left an ass print on the piano.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
