Umm I'm too high to move.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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