I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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