Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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