Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
