im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize