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these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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