you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
