dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
