Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
