Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize