I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
