I don't usually arrange sex via text message
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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