My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
These tits shall not be calmed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
