How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
