yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
high people should be assigned attendants
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
