She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
