he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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