her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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