Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
