So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
