...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
