I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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