when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
