If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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