I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
