Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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