If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
