All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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