The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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