this beer tastes like vomit already
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
