I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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