he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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