Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
