11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
