Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize