So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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