why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
