im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize