Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
