Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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