you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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