she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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