He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
