I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
