I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
