He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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