Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
