He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
