Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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