Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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