Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
