I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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