their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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