ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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