I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
