Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
