I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
