Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize