I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
