do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
