why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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