I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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