you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
