The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
