you would pick up someone in the library
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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