I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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