This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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