I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize