my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
