He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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