I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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