Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The air was thick with penises
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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