After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
