After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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