I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
