I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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