I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
