I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
